Today I had several workmen around the house. Two fixing our air conditioner, which had went out last week, and two replacing our gutters, which were well past their prime. Watching them reminded me of something that had happened many years ago that I felt was worth sharing. 

My favorite memory about a worker coming to the house is one from many years ago. Don was away –at sea yet again- and we lived in military housing. As is par for the course when he was away our refrigerator went out. As any military wife will attest, most
appliances break within days of the spouse departing. So the repairman shows up
and busies himself with the task of fixing the fridge. I was hard at work trying to keep our kids out of his way. All three were under four at the time and very  interested in the goings on within the fridge. 
 
The guy worked for most of the morning making the repairs and finally resuscitates the wayward beast. As he was packing up he hesitated, looked almost embarrassed by his impending  question, and then finally said what was on his mind. “Ma’am can I buy you and the kids some food?”  
 
The question startled me but then he explained how it was none of his business but he saw, while he was working on the appliance, that I didn’t have any meat in the fridge. I smiled,  thanked him profusely then took him to our breakfast nook, where we kept our
deep freezer, which was fully stocked with food. I will never forget the offered
generosity of that kind stranger.

As most of you know my husband is in the Navy. He is pretty old, okay not really, but old for Navy standards. I laugh as I write  this, because that makes me old by Navy wife standards. That’s alright we are growing old together and that is what counts the most. Together being used loosely, as it is the Navy, and together and the Navy does not always mesh. 

My husband joined back in the day of the dinosaur; otherwise known as 1977. We were married in 1980 so I have been there for most of the journey. Before you start doing the math and say there is no way he is still in, he has broken service. Meaning he got out and came back in, twice actually. I have always said the Navy is in his blood, and apparently the powers that be know this as they kept letting him come back. 

It is funny hearing him talk about the people he works with and realizing he has tattoos older than some of the senior guys. I think he has even shared this bit of trivia with them on more than one occasion. They just shake their head and look at him as if he is some kind of relic. Maybe he is, but he is my relic and I love him.


I have to smile when I hear some of the newer, younger,  spouses complain that the e-mail is down. Or they haven’t had a phone call lately. Don’t get me wrong, a missed e-mail still sends me into panic mode because I have gotten used to them. I want them. I need them. But then I have to remind myself that there was a time when we did not have e-mail. Heck we did not even have phone calls except for the rare occasion when the ship pulled into port and I was woke at 3am from a collect call from Israel or some other   costly place. I can guarantee that phone bill was not pretty on Petty Officer pay!


At the risk of sounding like my parents, who had to walk to school in blinding snowstorms, uphill both ways, I have been there. Afraid to leave the house, because you never knew when the call would come. Before you say it, I have to remind you this was a time even before cell phones. So a missed call was indeed a missed call. There was no e-mail. There was what we now refer to as snail mail. This was race to the mail box everyday in hopes there would be some word, some envelope, that had traveled around the world at a snail’s pace with news so old it didn’t even pertain anymore. Still it was
  that life raft which managed to keep me afloat just by knowing he had sealed each envelope with a piece him himself. You know, saliva, as this was even before peel and stick envelopes!


It is funny what we get used to, and what we come to expect. When snail mail was all we had we dealt with it. But now in the “new” Navy, we bitch when the ship’s internet is down and he can’t get on facebook. We complain when the ships phones are down or heaven forbid they have a delay! It is so much easier now than it was in the past. Through creative code I know when my husband is going to call, or when he is going to arrive at what port. Separations are tough even with all the new ways to communicate but at least the “new” Navy is helping to make the ocean feel a whole lot smaller. I am sure at some point they will have the capacity to Skype from onboard the ship. Of   course that may be years in the works and I am not sure if we will still be in to see that. Of course if they install people elevators on the ship then maybe  we will. As my husband likes to joke that he will retire, when they block his way and tell him he can’t bring his walker onboard the ship! 

I am going to end this now, as I just received an e-mail from my hubby. Have a wonderful day!

Original Post July 14, 2011
As homecoming day approaches the excitement mounts and tension I did not even realize was there becomes palatable. It’s funny; you’d think I would be way past that with as many times as I have been through this. But still I feel as anxious as a school girl building up for the first prom. Maybe even more so as that was just a date, this is my husband, the love of my life, returning home to me once again. Okay, I know that may sound a little sappy but after nearly thirty one years of marriage I think I have earned sappy!

The excitement building up to homecoming has me reminiscing about some of the homecomings of the past. The first one I ever experienced was back in 1981 when Don was stationed onboard the USS Nassau. We were newly married and the ship had only been out a short time but it was still exciting as it was the first time I had ever experienced anything like it. All I really recall about that day was glancing out through a sea of white uniforms in search of my red headed sailor. That and the fact that one of the boatswains mate got a wee bit overzealous when casting the line, and put a huge rope through the windshield of a nearby car. Come to think of it I guess it was a homecoming to remember for both of them as well.

On yet another ship, the USS Nicholas, we were faced with multiple deployments which led to many homecomings but one homecoming in particular stands out in my mind. The guys (they were all guys back then) were all given a single rose to hand to their loved one when they reunited for the first time. The plan was to follow protocol whereas the captain’s wife boarded first then the XO’s wife and so on in order. Well the ship happened to pull in alongside another ship and so we had to board via the hosting ship. So here we all were milling about the deck of the hosting ship waiting to begin boarding our ship when out of the blue my husband catches my eye, climbs up on the nearby railing, stretched out as far as he could and handed me my rose. If looks could kill I would not be writing this blog this week as the captain’s wife shot daggers from her eyes at me. She could not believe the audacity of his actions thus stealing the honor of her receiving the first rose. Looking back I guess it was a reckless move on my husband’s part but that day I felt as if I was given the greatest gift of all. Not only had my husband returned but he had risked much (life, limb, and career) in handing me that single rose.

I would say without a doubt that deployment was worse for me when our kids were young. While married, for six months increments, I was very much leading the life of a single mom, making all decisions and holding the household together until my husband’s return. Now, with the kids grown, it is just me and the dog and he is so much easier to deal with than having three children who were very close in age running around the house. Now I think the biggest adjustment I will have to make when he returns is planning meals and making sure dinner is not redundant. I say that because I personally have no problem fixing dinner and eating its leftovers for days on end. I also confess that when it is just me, cottage cheese for dinner does not sound all that wrong. Besides cottage cheese is much healthier than when I used to open a can of corn, add a whole stick of butter and call it a meal!

I also think I have also gotten past the need to fill up the loneliness with animals. We have a dog, a very good dog and I am content with just him in my life while my husband is away. I think in the past my husband was always a bit hesitant to walk through the door because he never knew what new creature or thing would great him. Would it be a cat, several cats, a new dog, rabbit, fish, a waterbed? I mean when a woman is stressed god knows where that will lead! This time he is only coming home to me. Oh and the company that we are having for the first couple of days, which is a first for me as well.

I think that everyone has the fear of homecoming. Knowing that their spouse or loved one has been gone for half a year and that both of you have changed during that time. I think one change that I always saw in me was that my husband’s absence made me a more confident person, as I had to do things that I would have normally left for him. I may not have always made the correct decision but the bottom line is I did make one. Now days with e-mail it is a lot easier, as with the exception of e-mail blackout periods I know the answer is only an e-mail away. In the “olden days of snail mail” a response could be weeks or months away, meaning the problem was usually long resolved when “help” arrived. I am not saying the old way was better or worse, just different and believe you me I much prefer my husband  being “just an e-mail away” as sometimes I don’t want to be the one who has to make all of the decisions.

I have seen quite a few posts from other spouses concerned about homecoming and cleaning and cleaning some more. I have to admit I have fallen into the trap yet again this cruise. In my case I am not cleaning for my husband but for the family that is due to arrive the night before. Because I know my husband and, while he appreciates the work I do in maintaining things while he is away, the only thing he will be concerned about on homecoming day is wrapping his arms around me. That and getting to eat something besides chicken for dinner!

Another thing that is easier these days is the fact that I can actually find my hubby on homecoming day. In the early years we went onto the ship so it was just a matter of my husband watching for me went I walked onboard. Then, when security tightened, the families had to wait on the pier. It was crazy standing there searching face after face as for the most part they were all dressed alike. Now days in the realm of modern technology it is much simpler as most of us are just a cell phone call away. Hey love, I am over here by the blue port-o-potty, third one down next to the refreshment tent.

My husband and I have had numerous separations and homecomings over the years and I know this will not be the last. While the tension and worries lessen with each deployment the excitement always returns as homecoming nears. Whether it is time for my husband to return to me or I am just watching the news and seeing Military service members reunited time and time again, one thing is for sure, for me, homecomings never get old. This blog is being posted a day early this week because this time tomorrow I will be spending time with my hubby

Original Post July 7, 2011
As most of you already know my husband is in the Navy. It is probably also no big surprise that he is coming home soon. I know this because I have spoken with him, received e-mails from him and have even seen posts on Facebook from the Captain letting me know that the ship is indeed headed in this direction. As a wife of a career military man, actually I think the term was Seadog when he first enlisted in 1977, I can attest to how modern technology has helped to ease the stress of deployments. In the past we had to depend on letters, you know the hand written kind that you actually had to go outside to the mailbox to retrieve, to get information. We also had the Wives Club, which became the Family Support Group, and is now known as the Family Readiness Group, in order to get information.  Still, it seems the more things change the more they stay the same. My husband and I still have to be very cautious about the information we share and are careful to speak in code when doing so but we have been doing it for so long that I think we have the upper hand. Actually, in the realm of social networking, I think things are much stricter now than in the past and I think some of the younger, more inexperienced people have a tougher time of it. Strange as it may seem it is much more difficult to get information in this new age of modern technology than it was in the past. I think it is because people are so afraid of saying the wrong thing that it seems sometimes they choose to divulge nothing at all. Then again it may only seem that way to me because for the first time in a very long time I am not holding any positions such as President or Vice President of the support group nor am I ombudsman as I was when Don was with the Seabees. For the first in a very long time I am as clueless as everyone else. While I don’t really like not being in the know, I am happy not to have the pressures of office. That is the subject of this week’s blog.

 With the stresses of position there are definitely perks which come with the “job.” Oh and have no doubt holding a title on any of these positions really is a job. While a person may first apply for the position just for the “perks” they quickly learn that holding such a position is not all fun and games. Have no doubt there is a lot of work behind the scenes in order to get information to the family members. The “people in charge” be it the President, Vice President, Secretary, Treasurer or anyone on any of the multiple committees connected to the ship have to find a place large enough to house the meetings and make sure the place will be available on the select nights for the duration of the cruise. Not an easy task especially dealing with the vast number of family members in relation to an aircraft carrier. Next they have to actually put the meeting together. They have to have a pretty good idea of the ships whereabouts because they will get asked that question by nearly everyone at the meeting. They also have to have a pretty good idea about when the ship last received mail because there will be at least one person at that meeting that will want to know why their loved one did not get the package they sent to them last month! Seriously, this does happen and as much as they wish they could, neither the ship nor the persons attached to it have any control over the U.S. Mail. If you mailed it, provided you filled out the proper customs forms, there is a very good chance that some day your package will make it to its final destination.

Next there is entertainment for the meeting. Now I am not talking about clowns and trained dogs, although if you are lucky you might see one or both on homecoming day. No the entertainment I am speaking of is the guest speakers that come to the meetings each month, speakers which all have to be sought out and contacted by the “people in charge.” I assure you there is no cheat sheet that they follow that tells them who to have come to which meeting. If there is a guest speaker, childcare or planed activity at any of the meetings it is because someone took time out of their busy day and did the work to insure that you would not be disappointed. Now don’t get me wrong, holding a position is not all for nothing, there are also “fun perks” of the job. You do not get paid in money but you get the privilege of knowing things before everyone else. You also get to meet lots of interesting new people. While most people don’t just start chatting to the person next to them the majority will take the time to say hello to those in charge.  Also, while it is true, you have to be at the meetings and the pier before everyone else that also means you get a better parking place.

When I was the vice president of the Family Support Group on the USS Seattle the perk for our hard work was to meet the ship at Craney Island and ride it back to the pier. I can tell you that was the biggest perk I personally have ever received because, not only did we get to see homecoming from the “other side” onboard the ship, we got to do so in the Captain’s state room complete with refreshments served by the Captain’s private staff. Stateroom aside, being on the ship and seeing the sea of loved ones on the pier waiting for us to return was something I will never forget and I had only been on board a few hours. Imaging how the crew feels seeing that many people standing there in all kinds of weather conditions hoping for a glimpse of the one person they really want to see. It is enough to give me chills just thinking about it.

Another unsung hero, or in the case of such a large ship heroes as there are more than one, are the Ombudsman. In case you do not know the Ombudsman is the direct liaison between the command and the families of service members. This is the person or persons that you really do not think about unless you have a problem. In my opinion this is the biggest “job” in the navy. It is also a job without pay.  It is their “job” to help with whatever people deem urgent enough to call about. Keep in mind that what may seem like a minor issue to one person may seem like the end of the world to another. While some people may not think a cat giving birth at three am would be a justified reason to call their Ombudsman others may not have any qualms at doing so. The same could be said if your toddler has just flushed an entire bar of soap down the toilet. Sometimes people just need someone to talk to and, if they have their ombudsman on speed dial, she may just be the one to get the call.

As the end of the deployment grows near so does the need for our lifelines. While the volunteers will still hold their positions and meetings will still be scheduled the need for such life rafts will lessen. Attendance will be down and calls will decrease as people’s lives slowly return to what is deemed normal. That is at least until the next time because, as we all know, when it comes to the military there is always a next time. So if you get a minute, even if you have never utilized their services, you might want to say thanks to the “people in charge.”  I am sure they would really appreciate it, trust me I know.  Remember, I’ve been there.

Original Post April 8, 2011

Recently I had a friend ask if I regretted being a Navy wife. At the time I thought, what a horrid question, until she rephrased it and asked if I would have preferred to be a “normal” housewife. I am not sure I liked the question any better when phrased this way but, in the end, I understood what she was trying to ask. I answered with the same response I always give, which is no, because to have it any other way would mean not having Don. She was happy with this answer and changed the subject but, for some reason, the question stayed with me and I found myself pondering it in a way that I never have before.

I wondered if I would feel differently if I still was able to marry Don but that he would have had a “real” job. Now I am not putting it like this to in any way suggest that I do not consider the Navy to be a “real” job, I was simply wondering what life would have been like if Don would have had a job he would go to and return from on a daily basis.

I must admit, with Don currently deployed, I find myself missing him a great deal and my first thought was, wouldn’t that have been the ideal life, never to have known extreme loneliness, never to have had to explain to the kids that daddy couldn’t come and “visit”, never to have had to make a decision on my own and hoped that I had made the correct one?

Still, as I sat thinking about all of the positives of being married to a man with a “real” job I also realized that the things that I just listed are the things that have made me into the person I am today. While there are times when I feel so alone it hurts, I am also very comfortable being alone with myself. While I hate going up to the ticket counter and asking for a movie ticket for one, in my younger days this is not something I would have ever considered doing.

Just this past weekend, I went to a busy restaurant and asked for a table for one. Why? The answer is simple; I had the confidence to do so. This is important because there have been times in my life when I wanted to eat out and, if I did not have the confidence to go by myself, I would not have gone. It is not that I do not have any friends, it is just that sometimes the friends I have are located in another state.

I also realize that living the lifestyle we have lived, moving from place to place, experiencing new cultures and constantly meeting new people, have also contributed to the person I am today. You cannot meet new people without experiencing new things. Granted, some friends make bigger impressions than others but those impressions and those friendships have helped to make me the person I am today.

In San Diego it was our landlord who orchestrated a gathering of hodgepodge furniture when, what little furniture we had, made a tiny detour through Hawaii before finally showing itself months after our arrival. It was our neighbor, Melody, who rushed out to buy preemie outfits for my newborn daughter who, at just over nine pounds, was still somehow swimming in her newborn outfits.

It was in Charleston that I met Lana, who taught me how to shop and encouraged me to get involved with all things Navy. We formed a friendship that still stands to this day and yes, I still love to shop.

It was also in Charleston that I met Julie and Sondra who, at long last, taught me the proper way to “put on my eyes” This was probably the single most important thing anyone ever taught me, because until then I had never learned the proper way to put on eyeliner.

It was also Julie who taught me it is okay to ask for good service. We were at McDonalds and, upon receiving our order, found ourselves eating cold fries. Without hesitating Julie scooped up the fries, went to the counter and returned with piping hot replacements. At first I was mortified. I mean, this was only McDonalds, not a five start restaurant but Julie made her case, saying it was important that one get what they pay for no matter the price paid. To this day I take that to heart and do not hesitate to ask for hot fries, among other things.

In Michigan it was Vonda who taught me that prejudice is not limited to skin color. I hope that I taught her that just because someone has a southern accent does not mean they are beneath you. No… come to think of it, I don’t think she ever learned a thing from me. Her loss…

It was also in Michigan that I met my dearest friend Sheila. My sounding board and the only person, besides my husband, that knows everything there is to know about me. I like to say that she knows where the bodies are buried. She may remain in Michigan but we still chat on nearly a daily basis. It was Sheila who inspired me to begin writing in the first place and who I would have never met if I had not followed the journey that life has lead me on.

There have been many others I have met along the way, too many to mention, but each and every person that has come into my life has left me a better person because of the experience. Some gave me a piece of them, others showed me who I did not want to become. They all shaped me in some way.

It was the Navy that brought us back to Virginia, to our house that we love so much. I am happy here and have met some wonderful people who I am sure will help to make me an even better person. I can’t help but feel that we have finally made our way home. It may not be the home I started with but then I am not the same person I started out as. 

As you can see there have been so many people in my life that have helped to mold me into the person I am today. People who, knowingly or not, have guided me along the path I was supposed to take. While I am looking forward to the day my husband walks off of the ship for the last time in order to be by my side each night as I sleep, I do not begrudge the life we have led or the career that has taken him away from me for months on end. It is that life that has led us to where we are now and has helped to transform me into the person that I am today. I may not be perfect, but as I look at the person who I have become, I am content with who I am. As I reflect upon the life I have led, I can honestly say, given the choice, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Sherry you get beter and better everytime I read your blog. I too like the person you have become and hope that I will have a chance to know you better. keep it coming and thank god for everyday that we are here. Miss you !

April 8, 2011 | dianna Thank you Dianna, I am glad you are enjoying my blogs and I assure you your praise means a lot to me. I miss you too!

April 8, 2011 | Sherry A Burton Sherry, I only started reading your blog recently...since we met....but hands down this is my FAVORITE!!! THANKS for sharing!

April 8, 2011 | Shelagh

Original Post Jan. 6, 2011
As Don’s shore duty comes to an end it is now officially time to bid farewell to New England. It is a bittersweet parting from an area that will forever hold a special place in my heart. I can honestly say that I love this area. I love the charm, character, stately New England homes, summers with low humidity, seaport villages, coastal towns and the feeling of security that comes from living in a small town.  For the most part, I have enjoyed our time here and am grateful for the opportunity to call this area home for the past three years.

When we first moved to the area we rented a home in Mystic Connecticut. When our furniture showed up there was an issue with the washing machine. The repairman could not come right away so I had to make a trip to the laundry mat, something I desperately hate. I searched the internet to find a laundry mat and was happy to find one in the Mystic Village, just a couple miles from where we were living. The Mystic Village is comprised of multiple, touristy, specialty shops and looks very quaint, like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting. At first I thought my navigator was mistaken when it led me to the address as the laundry mat was snuggled into the heart of all of those tiny shops. The place was as quaint inside as it was on the outside and the attendant cheerfully greeted me as I entered. The thing that sticks out most, as something I will never forget, is that there was a rack of shelves just inside the door and on these shelves was about thirty jugs of laundry detergent. Written on each jug was the name of the individual who owned it. They were not behind a counter or under lock and key. No, they were just sitting on the shelves, via an honor system, waiting for the owner to come in and pluck it up, do their laundry and return it to its resting place, giving them one less item to carry. I only had to visit that laundry mat twice but each time I truly felt as if I had taken a step back in time.

We lived within walking distance to Mystic Connecticut, a town made famous by the movie Mystic Pizza. Luckily we moved there before I was forced to go gluten free so I did get to partake of the pizza several times while we lived there. While the locals are split in regards to the taste, my husband and I really did enjoy the pizza and my mom, who is a self proclaimed pizza coinsurer, maintains to this day that it is the best pizza she has ever eaten.

 Have you ever picked up a snow globe and peered inside to see the tiny, perfect town within? That is the impression that Mystic gave me. A perfect little snow globe town.  It is surrounded by gorgeous old homes, some of which date back to the 1700’s. Most of these homes have plaques that give the age of the home as well as the family name and occupation of the original owner such as Ships Captain or Blacksmith. Some are painted vibrant bold colors that hold true to the New England history.

On the rise just beyond Mystic Pizza is an enormous old church, whose bells chime to mark the top of every hour.  At any given time you can find tourists standing under the Mystic Pizza sign posing for a photo.

Lining Main Street on both sides are numerous specialty shops geared for both locals and tourist alike.

Without a doubt the focal part of the town is the draw bridge that goes up and down, multiple times throughout the day during the summer, to allow various boats and tall mask sailing vessels to pass through the channel. The bridge operator blares’ a horn, which never fails to scare some unsuspecting tourist, and all traffic foot and vehicle alike must pause for the duration of the lift. One thing that struck me about the draw bridge is how utterly quiet it is when raised and lowered. It has this massive counter weight system that allows it to operate virtually soundlessly. While the bridge is fun to watch and a must see when visiting the area,  watching the large masted sailing ships pass effortlessly through the channel is reminiscent of an era long past and truly adds to the charm that Mystic Seaport is known for.

After spending a year in Mystic we decided the house we were renting was just not the right fit for us and moved to the nearby town of Westerly Rhode Island. Westerly may not be the tourist destination that Mystic is but we have enjoyed our time here and are glad we chose to finish out our time in New England in this safe, comfortable town.

Westerly is known for its beaches and with that comes beach traffic. We did not know when we rented our condo that we lived on one of the two main roads leading people to and from the beaches. It can be pretty vexing in the summertime but, for the most part, we have learned to pick and chose our route and the times we are traveling so really it has not been that troublesome.

The main thing we gained with making the move is piece of mind. With Don being away a great deal the past two years I have not had the stress of dealing with lawn maintenance or snow removal. I have had a nice new place to live with updated appliances and a swimming pool. The weather even cooperated enough for me to use the pool on occasion.

We have been lucky to have visited all of the surrounding areas while we have been stationed here. We traveled to Maine, to shop at LL Bean, toured the mega Yankee Candle store in Massachusetts, Walked the freedom trail in Boston and climbed onboard the USS Salam at the old Quincy shipyard, had incredible BBQ in Vermont, and visited the great city of New York on several occasions. Yes we are very lucky indeed.

Once again the Navy has taken us to places we may never have seen on our own. We are grateful for the time spent here and the people we have befriended along the way. With all that said, I know in my heart I am truly a southern girl and returning to Virginia yet again feels right. 

Our furniture is once again loaded on a truck and heading down the highway and we will be following Friday morning. While we have loved our visit, it is time once again to hit the road. I was born a southern girl and it is time to go home…