I have given a lot of thought to this whole end of the world thing. Maybe tomorrow will
be the end of the world as we know it because the Zombies are going to take over. Maybe what the Mayan’s predicted is the Zombie apocalypse. I made my hair appointment for today just to be safe. Virginia Beach traffic is bad enough without having to play frogger with the Zombies. I have made sure we have food and water in the house in case we have to stay inside and hide from the Zombies.
I have a confession, if given the choice; I will chose to live and fight off the zombies rather than to actually become one of them. Don’t get me wrong being a zombie seems to have its advantages, you can stay up all night, hang out with friends, and eat everyone in sight. I guess that is what has me leaning the other direction. I mean I try to eat healthy; surely all that skin and flesh can’t be good for the complexion. All the zombies I’ve
seen –via movies and television- look like hell-pardon my language. They are
dressed in rags, filthy as can be, and some are even missing limbs. I wouldn’t
mind getting rid of my thighs, but I can think of better ways of doing so.
Also there is all the blood and guts to deal with when you are a Zombie. I know you can’t smell through television but those zombies must really reek. I’ve left chicken in the garbage can over night; I can’t imagine wearing that stuff for days on end.
While I admit I sometimes walk like a zombie after sitting for too long the effects usually wear off within moments. Zombie walking is not the most graceful. I don’t even think a chiropractor can fix that.
And then there is the arms stretched out thing. My arms get tired after minutes of exercising, there is no way I’d be able to keep them up while zombie walking every night.
As a writer I like it quiet when I work. I am pretty sure all that moaning and screaming would get really old, really quick.
So there you have it, all the reasons I can’t be a Zombie. I hope you’ve given this as much thought as I have. If not make sure you choose wisely if and when the time comes. I’d like to think I’d help you pick up your arm or leg if it falls off, but in reality I’m pretty squeamish, so I may have to pass.
I’ll let you in on a secret. I really don’t think the Mayans are correct; I was just in Office Max today. There were plenty of calendars and they were all dated for next year…
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