My name is Sherry and I can’t sleep. There that is my
confession, my dirty little secret if you will. On the other hand maybe it is
not such a secret. Maybe when people look at me and see the dark circles under
my eyes they know. My insomnia has been sneaking up on me over the last few
years. A sleepless night here, a partial night there, but lately it is getting
worse, holding me hostage, and sometimes keeping me awake for the majority of
the night. On nights I do sleep it is intermittent, an hour here, a few hours
there, but not nearly enough to keep the circles at bay.
I am a light sleeper. The slightest noise and I am awake.
I have always been like that. I think at first it was the mom gene, listening in
case the kids needed me. Then, when I owned my day care and offered 24/7 care I
was listening for those kids as well. I wouldn’t have been able to live with
myself if something had of happened to a little one in my care. I guess that is
where it all first started but having developed those listening ears I have
never been able to turn them off again. My hearing is so keen I now have to
sleep with a fan on to muffle the outside noise. A fan that does not always
work when you live in a close knit community where car doors slam, dogs bark
and stereos thump and once awake, my mind takes over and thus the sleepless
cycle continues.
Last night I was woke by a sound that at first I could
not identify. As I lay there, in my too tired to get up but too awake to go back
to sleep stupor, I listened intently trying to identify the sound a sound which
I was still hearing over the swish of the table fan. The noise was familiar but
not. Steady, but interment at the same time. As I strained to identify the
sound, I suddenly realized it was the soft gentle snore of my dog, Oliver, who
was sleeping soundly just feet away snuggled in his bed without a care in the
world. I listened to his steady breathing and gentle snore for nearly an hour.
I listened as he had a doggy dream, making little growling sounds and innocent
puppy dog whines. I lay there wishing I could trade places with him. Wishing I
could sleep so contentedly until it finally dawned on me, there is no way I
would ever be able to fit into his doggy bed…
confession, my dirty little secret if you will. On the other hand maybe it is
not such a secret. Maybe when people look at me and see the dark circles under
my eyes they know. My insomnia has been sneaking up on me over the last few
years. A sleepless night here, a partial night there, but lately it is getting
worse, holding me hostage, and sometimes keeping me awake for the majority of
the night. On nights I do sleep it is intermittent, an hour here, a few hours
there, but not nearly enough to keep the circles at bay.
I am a light sleeper. The slightest noise and I am awake.
I have always been like that. I think at first it was the mom gene, listening in
case the kids needed me. Then, when I owned my day care and offered 24/7 care I
was listening for those kids as well. I wouldn’t have been able to live with
myself if something had of happened to a little one in my care. I guess that is
where it all first started but having developed those listening ears I have
never been able to turn them off again. My hearing is so keen I now have to
sleep with a fan on to muffle the outside noise. A fan that does not always
work when you live in a close knit community where car doors slam, dogs bark
and stereos thump and once awake, my mind takes over and thus the sleepless
cycle continues.
Last night I was woke by a sound that at first I could
not identify. As I lay there, in my too tired to get up but too awake to go back
to sleep stupor, I listened intently trying to identify the sound a sound which
I was still hearing over the swish of the table fan. The noise was familiar but
not. Steady, but interment at the same time. As I strained to identify the
sound, I suddenly realized it was the soft gentle snore of my dog, Oliver, who
was sleeping soundly just feet away snuggled in his bed without a care in the
world. I listened to his steady breathing and gentle snore for nearly an hour.
I listened as he had a doggy dream, making little growling sounds and innocent
puppy dog whines. I lay there wishing I could trade places with him. Wishing I
could sleep so contentedly until it finally dawned on me, there is no way I
would ever be able to fit into his doggy bed…
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